Checking It Twice

I manage a lot with lists.

I’ve written a novel of weird, oddly specific “to-do” lists! I usually scribble one down everyday in school, when I am in a class I don’t care much for and would otherwise be in slumber-land have completed all of my work (I am clearly a star student). I just like the tidy feeling that tags behind having some sort of outline, so I’ll usually slip in activities that have no business being on an honestly productive “to-do” list…i.e.:

-Find gingerbread cookie recipes on Pinterest

-Read/watch [book, magazine, TV show]

-Excavate for old clothing in Mother’s closet

-Put in an order for a crate box of chocolate

Sometimes I write lists just to occupy time in-the-moment, or to help me fall into a perky mood. Speckling all throughout today, this happened:

Holiday/winter/Christmas quirks that make me happy:

-Gingerbread + gingerbread cookies (see above!!)
-Peppermint baked goods
-Hot chocolate
-Candycanes in oatmeal
-Long, festive socks
-Holiday radio
-Playing Christmas music on guitar
-The mall, rigghhht before Christmas!
-Shopping for little gifts
-Seasonal Clif Bars
-Christmas crafts out of paper, buttons, fabric…
-Cozy fireplace + snow
-Winter veggies…squash!!
-My Dad’s family’s Chirtmas-eve party
-Holiday-themed books/stories, movies, TV specials
-Writing a Christmas…list! 😉

Me + lists have quite the casual relationship! 🙂

But, most important to me right now – my goals. I started out with some in my last post, though there’s one more I’d like to set myself to! I haven’t been nearly as comfortable with acknowledging – let along facing – it, as much as I have the rest of my goals.

Eat a more varied diet and loosen up! Having broken off of EDNOS/borderline anorexia a year ago this month (well, at least when I finally “decided” I, myself, really wanted to recover), I still don’t feel nearly as comfortable as I’d like to be with expanding my diet. I want to try unfamiliar foods! I also want to eat more evenly spread throughout the day…instead of consuming a crate-and-a-half every evening, and eating a whimpy breakfast + lunch!! Also, eat snacks…don’t feel like they’re a “waste of calories”! …oh, and calories. Stop thinking about them! Finally, I’m still a notch underweight – I need to quit being afraid to gain 5-10 lb!

Even though this has been such a bold factor in my life, I’ve never been comfortable enough to write about it. I’ve almost felt ashamed! But, I know the first step of resolution is acceptance…

…in that regard, I’m already one step closer to achieving it! 🙂

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